Homeless guy sings Radiohead's "Creep"

When Jokes Aren't Funny

Jokes that are not funny:

• Race Jokes
• Sexual Orientation Jokes
• Fat Jokes
• Jokes about people who are developmentally delayed
• Jokes about people who are handicapped 
• Carrot Top 

Half of the Story

So I finished the book I was reading last night, it was the 4th in the 5 book Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy*, "So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish", by Douglas Adams. This morning when I woke and went about my morning business I fired up my kindle for iPhone and went to the store intending to buy the 5th book to complete the Trilogy*.

The first three books I had read years ago, I had never read the fourth or fifth. I had been meaning to but never really got around to it. Have I mentioned how incredibly convenient having kindle on my iPhone is? Now, I'm never without my book, and frankly it's awesome. I don't miss print at all and if all books were published this way I'd have no problem with it at all, but I digress.

The fourth book was great. I enjoyed it quite a lot, and was eager to get to the fifth. But then as the kindle store opened up, the book had 3.5 stars out of 5. Odd, I thought to myself, as the other four books were at least 4.5 stars or higher. Intrigued by this finding, I decided to read a bit of the reviews before purchasing.   Apparently, some very disturbing things happen in the fifth and final book, and its ending is quite grim. I was frankly quite pleased with the ending of the 4th book.

So now I have a dilemma.  Do I read the fifth book and change Arthur Dent's somewhat nice ending in my mind to something else entirely? Or do I ignore the fifth book and leave him alone? Kindof like, sticking my head in the sand sort of thing, in my universe everything is pretty nice actually, why should I disturb that by letting the author control his own story to the end?

I think, for now, I'll let the characters sit in my mind, happy for a while. Maybe later I'll go back in and let the author put his final words to them, but I'm not eager to read the fifth book anymore.

* Yes, 5 books is a Trilogy, just ask any other HHGTTG fan.

Voting the Issues

Today is Election Day. Despite where you may have to go to vote, it is important to get out there and actually voice your opinion. Even if, like me, your opinion is usually in the minority, you need to have your vote recorded. Even voting for the losing candidate or issue is important.

It's also important not to compromise yourself and vote for "the lesser of two evils". Never vote against your feelings. Whichever way you lean, its important to shaping the future that you vote the way you think. Today's loss can shape tomorrow's victory. If 10% of the people vote for something it starts gaining mind share vs. no one voting for something. I also want to note that "not voting because there is nothing I want to put my name on" is a perfectly valid stance in my opinion. Like I say, never vote for the lesser of two evils. If there are only two evils to vote for, don't vote.

And never, EVER, vote without educating yourself on the candidates and issues first. 

That being said, I'm an Ohio voter. Here is where I stand on the issues on today's ballot:

Issue 1: TO AUTHORIZE THE STATE TO ISSUE BONDS TO PROVIDE COMPENSATION TO VETERANS OF THE PERSIAN GULF, AFGHANISTAN, AND IRAQ CONFLICTS

Me: AGAINST. This is 200 million dollars in debt for the state of Ohio. I do believe it is important to take care of our veterans, but this is not the State's responsibility, the state of Ohio did not authorize the use of military action on foreign soil, the federal government did. Therefore, it is a federal issue. The last thing Ohio needs right now is more debt.

Issue 2: TO CREATE THE OHIO LIVESTOCK CARE STANDARDS BOARD TO ESTABLISH AND IMPLEMENT STANDARDS OF CARE FOR LIVESTOCK AND POULTRY

Me: AGAINST. That's some tricky language. It sounds like its all for the safety of animals and helps create more humane farms. It, in fact, will do exactly the opposite. Implementing "STANDARDS" sometimes means lowering them. In this case, they want to make it legal for factory farms to pack in more livestock in smaller places. Issue 2 is opposed by The Humane Society of the United States, the Capital Area Humane Society, the Cleveland Animal Protective League, the Toledo Area Humane Society, the Ohio Farmers Union, the Ohio Environmental Stewardship Alliance, Progress Ohio, League of Women Voters of Ohio, Center for Food Safety, the Ohio Sierra Club, Ohio Ecological Food and Farming Association, the Columbus Dispatch, the Cleveland Plain Dealer, and the Dayton Daily News. Not to mention, issue 2 is an abuse of the state constitution. But the language makes it sound like its good for everyone. I sincerely hope this issue fails.

Issue 3: TO AMEND THE CONSTITUTION TO ALLOW FOR ONE CASINO EACH IN CINCINNATI, CLEVELAND, COLUMBUS, AND TOLEDO AND DISTRIBUTE TO ALL OHIO COUNTIES A TAX ON THE CASINOS

Me: FOR. Lets face it. This issue isn't perfect. It is in the gambling industries interest to pass this issue because they will make more money, and we theoretically could get a better deal if we had a smarter state government. But lets look at the facts. 1: Ohio is struggling with debt that is preventing our growth. 2: Casinos will make us money. 3: There are casinos in every surrounding state. 4: People in Ohio are already gambling on the state's stupid lottery system. There is no valid argument against this other than "I just don't like Casinos."

Those are my opinions, yours may differ and thats whats great about today. Today, we can vote and I can hope that the majority feels the same as I do, but if they don't, I at least got to voice my opinion without the fear of reprisal. That, my friends, is democracy.

An Atheist going to Church

Today, I will go to church. I am going to church because that is where my place of voting is. Now, I'm not worried that God will smite the unbeliever for stepping foot on his sacred ground. What really upsets me is that we're supposed to separate church from state, and yet here we are having an election in a church.

There is no sermon, but the feeling is there. I wonder how many people have been influenced in their voting by being forced to vote in a church? People who claim to be Christian but don't go to church very often may be influenced by stepping in the church, intending to vote on an issue one way but after being reminded by the presence of all the religious paraphernalia that they should vote the way they think "God" wants them to vote.

Not to mention, its free advertising for the Church. To me, voting is compulsory. Therefore, I am being forced by t he state to go to a church. I would love to be able to force people into my place of business, not only force them but give them the impression that I am doing a great service to the community by letting them use my building for this purpose. I know that I could vote early by mail, but often information about an issue or candidate becomes available at the last possible minute. I don't want to regret voting for something or someone if the position changes the day before the election.

It's not as if there aren't plenty of non-religious public buildings we could use for our election. I have no problem going to a school to vote, or a post office, or a fire station, even the police station. I just think Churches have no business hosting elections in a society that proclaims to have freedom of (or from) religion.

If you're a Christian who thinks I'm making a big stink about nothing, how would you feel if the state put your polling location in a strip club? Personally, I'd much rather go to a strip club than a church. I think strip clubs are more honest with people, for one. They also already have poles.

Mr. Deity tackles the Trinity

In the Comfort Zone

For some things, its too easy to stay in the middle. Its easy to try to be like everyone else. Religion is like this. To me, the easiest path is the one everyone expects you to be. If people assume you are a Christian, if you do nothing to dissuade them of this assumption, there will be no uncomfortable conversations about it.

I am guilty of not being forthright about my position as an atheist. It's not that I'm embarrassed to be an atheist. I just don't want to rock the boat. I fear reprisal. I fear hurting people that care about me. I fear creating tension in the workplace. Its just so much easier to go on letting them assume that I'm just a Christian who doesn't go to church all that often.

Many close friends know my feelings. My wife and son do. My mother and father do not. The signs are obvious, but they either do not or just will not see them. Short of me coming out and saying, "Mom and Dad, I'm an atheist." I don't think they'd believe it.

Mostly, its my Grandmother. She's in her mid 80s and it would break her heart if she thought I was an atheist. And frankly, I don't feel like rocking that boat and I'm not sure what that says about me. Am I a good grandson for lying to my grandmother about my personal faith? Or am I being a terrible misleading person?

Either way, I don't feel like I'm a 'closet atheist' as much as I feel like I'm not an 'In your face' atheist. Maybe thats why I have this blog, so I can vent my true inner feelings while smiling and nodding when someone asks me to bow my head in prayer for food.

But if anyone ever asks me point blank, I'll have to tell them the truth. It is, after all, the only thing I can really do.