In the Comfort Zone

For some things, its too easy to stay in the middle. Its easy to try to be like everyone else. Religion is like this. To me, the easiest path is the one everyone expects you to be. If people assume you are a Christian, if you do nothing to dissuade them of this assumption, there will be no uncomfortable conversations about it.

I am guilty of not being forthright about my position as an atheist. It's not that I'm embarrassed to be an atheist. I just don't want to rock the boat. I fear reprisal. I fear hurting people that care about me. I fear creating tension in the workplace. Its just so much easier to go on letting them assume that I'm just a Christian who doesn't go to church all that often.

Many close friends know my feelings. My wife and son do. My mother and father do not. The signs are obvious, but they either do not or just will not see them. Short of me coming out and saying, "Mom and Dad, I'm an atheist." I don't think they'd believe it.

Mostly, its my Grandmother. She's in her mid 80s and it would break her heart if she thought I was an atheist. And frankly, I don't feel like rocking that boat and I'm not sure what that says about me. Am I a good grandson for lying to my grandmother about my personal faith? Or am I being a terrible misleading person?

Either way, I don't feel like I'm a 'closet atheist' as much as I feel like I'm not an 'In your face' atheist. Maybe thats why I have this blog, so I can vent my true inner feelings while smiling and nodding when someone asks me to bow my head in prayer for food.

But if anyone ever asks me point blank, I'll have to tell them the truth. It is, after all, the only thing I can really do.