FFS - Fun Friday Stuff - 10/30

 TMNEGIF  ... Thank my nonexistent god it's Friday.

Kevin from Top Chef is the man. He has a tattoo of a pig. He made Bacon Jelly. I am rooting for him to win this season, but even if he doesn't, I'm going to be making a pilgrimage to his restaurant someday. To top all that off, he has one hell of an awesome beard.

This season though is the toughest one yet in my opinion. Really any of the top 5 have a great shot. Most seasons I can predict the top 2 or 3 within the first show. This season, well, its going to be interesting when they get to the end. I imagine you could make a great dish and go home simply because your dish didn't meet the judges tastes as well as another, even though it was excellent and you didn't make a mistake.

Anyway, go Kevin!

A fun strip making fun of tv cop shows.

A church fails to predict its own fail.

Garfield minus Garfield is always fun, but this one made me laugh uncontrollably for some reason.

Arnold "Get to the Choppa!" Schwarzenegger gives a pertinent hidden message to his state legislature.

This would make a great card to send to your kids next mothers day if they forget to do anything for you. So much emotion from a faceless egg, priceless.

I really don't know how this guy manages to do this without cracking up. I've sat and tried, I can't get very far before I bust out laughing. Then I forget what the host is talking about.

Ever agree to do a favor for someone and then end up regretting you ever talked to them in the first place? Yeah ...

This just in: Fox Hates Joss Whedon ... also 4 out of 5 people make up 80% of the worlds population. While we're talking the obvious, Dollhouse is a great show, but Fox is setting it up for failure. First by putting it in a really tough time slot, then pulling it for sweeps week. It took the first episode a while to get me to like it, the first 15 minutes or so were meh, but then it got interesting. Of course, from the network that canceled Firefly, would you expect anything but dickery? But really, I don't understand why Joss works for Fox ... well, other than the paycheck thing.

Back away from the nuts, and no one gets hurt!

Holy Body Mods

  "You wanna cut off my what?! You people are crazy! You know that? Get your hands off me! I'm goin home!"

This conversation might have taken place about 30 years or so ago, had I been a very precocious child and had been able to speak at the age of .. oh .. about 30 hours. I wasn't there, well ... I was there, but I don't remember it very well, but I imagine the conversation actually went like this:

*snip*

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"*

No. I do not blame my parents. I blame a society that has told us that this is a perfectly normal and sane thing to do. We don't like to talk about it unless we have to. But too many boys are circumcised in this country because "Thats the way I am, and that's the way my boy will be!"

In other words, we're doing this stupid thing because we've ALWAYS been doing this stupid thing. Some major religions out there claim you must be in their super special mutilated genital club in order to be in good standing. I'm curious why if you believe we're created in "God's Image" that we have to alter ourselves physically to be pure. Maybe God is uncircumcised?

Some Myths:

They say it cuts down on masturbation. HAH! Ok, I've busted that myth myself a few thousand times.

They say  it cuts down on disease. You know if you wash everything is fine. If I didn't wash my buttcrack, it'd get pretty gnarley too.

They say it looks nicer that way. A lot of people also like to pierce their genitals and get jewelry because they think that looks nicer too. So should you welcome baby Bobby to the world with a nice Price Albert too?

What you do to your own body is your choice. If you want to expand your earlobes to the point that you could drive a volvo through, or if you want to drive a spike through your face, go right ahead. If you want to get a tattoo of a naked 80 year old man taking a whiz on the american flag, well, I'd ask you to sober up and reconsider, but hey, your body, your canvas.

Chopping off the tip of a helpless infant's wang who had no say in the matter?  Thats just plain wrong.

Full disclosure: I had my son circumcised. I was young and I was stupid and I believed all the lies. I have since apologized to him for this mistake, but I fear that there's no way I can really make it up to him. My only hope is that someone might read this post and reconsider. Its not something you can ever take back. I very much suggest if you are planning to do this to your own baby, look up the fantastic Penn & Teller Bullshit episode on Circumcision and watch it.

* (Translated from baby speak, this means "YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE DOCTOR I'M GONNA GO CHUCK NORRIS ON YOUR ASS WHEN I GROW UP!")

Too bad they don't make exorcists of stupid

Yesterday I read this awesome story on the consumerist that stated that 69% of the people in the surveyed by rent.com are morons. Actually that's not what it said, it said only 31% of the people in the survey would willingly live in a haunted house for reduced rent. Thats 69% of the people who are too scared of ghosts to live with one of them

Thankfully, the human race isn't completely doomed and consumerists readership are only 19% morons on their own poll. I'm not sure how many of the 81% think that ghosts are real but not that bad of a roommate though.

Yesterday my kid told me that in his class he and only one other student are the only ones who claim not to believe in ghosts or so-called paranormal activity. I'm proud of my son for this, but disappointed that the other 25 or so students in his class including his teacher believes in hauntings from the grave.  Well, they are kids, some still believe in Santa Claus I suppose. But his teacher?

Halloween is good fun. Dressing up like a ghoul or zombie or whatever, thats a good time. It goes too far when you start thinking, "Hey, this could all be real. I do believe in ghosts, I do I do I do believe in ghosts!"

It gets worse when you have people making documentaries (hahaha, they call them documentaries) about Paranormal Activity and Hauntings. These shows are always the same. Funny camera work. People acting real scared. People intimating that you are the moron for not believing their bullshit.

These people are scam artists. Some say its all in good fun, some say its just ghost stories around a campfire. Well, when I write a story, my reader knows its fiction. I don't try to pretend its anything but fiction. I have written a ghost story in the past. It was fun, but it was not presented as a documentary. The people trying to scare us into thinking there's something to all this paranormal crap are no better than conmen.

Best thing I can do I guess is give my son a good hug and tell him I'm proud of him for standing up in his class and telling them he thinks Ghosts are made up.

That and well, if you're sitting on a nice house that won't sell because its haunted and you're willing to sell for bottom dollar? Give me a call...

The Swine Flu and the Hyporcisy of Employers

If you're lucky like me, you're still employed. And if you're employed, I'd be very surprised if you told me that your employer hadn't sent out some emails or put up some notices about "Not coming to work sick with the H1N1 virus".

My employer certainly has. And my friends employers as well. They seem sincere in the fact that they want us to stay home and keep this stuff as isolated as possible. After all, President Obama has signed a National Emergency Declaration on H1N1. This stuff is serious. Sadly the people at the highest risk are pregnant women and newborns.

So it seems like a great idea to tell your employees that if they are sick, stay home for the well being of us all. Thats what they are saying. Problem is, many employers have strict attendance rules in effect that aren't being changed for the pandemic flu.

My employer gives me an undefined amount of sick days. That is, if you are sick, you stay home. However, if you start racking up the sick hours you get talked to by management. Get too many sick hours, you might lose your raise or even get fired if they climb too high. Thing is, while the HR people are sending out notice after notice about how we need to stay home if we have the flu, they're not relaxing this policy at all.

This leaves me with a choice. Get in trouble with work for staying home when I'm sick, or come into work sick and get everyone else here sick so they have to deal with the same problems. For me, the flu wouldn't be the end of the world most likely. I'm a healthy guy in my mid 30s. I'd be laid up for a while I'm sure, but I wouldn't die.

What if I share an office with someone who is pregnant or has small children at home? Do I come into work sick so I don't get in trouble with my employer and risk their lives to this virus? Do I stay home and get fired and then sit on unemployment for who knows how long these days?  Thats a tough choice to make, and frankly I shouldn't have to make that kind of a choice.

Unfortunately, many people I talk to have employers who are doing this same kind of thing. Telling you to stay home if you're sick on the one hand, while handing out punishments for staying home on the other. I've talked to people in many industries, including Healthcare. You'd think a hospital would be very careful about infection control in this manner, but at some facilities the employees are suffering the same dilemma.  Come to work sick and risk people's lives, or be fired.

I am a libertarian, I believe for the most part the government should stay out of people's affairs as much as possible. But there needs to be some form of legislation preventing employers from punishing employees for staying home when they are sick with the flu, period.

God and Depression

I am not going to go on about Determinism or the Psychology of the human mind vis a vis the Chemicals that are in it, but I'm briefly going to touch on this: It is a well known fact that our brains are influenced by chemicals. People who have suffered hormonal imbalances can attest to the fact that chemicals can control your mood, your state of well being.

These hormone problems can be subtle, such as making you sad or making it harder for you to fall asleep. It can also be severe, causing things like rage, and suicide. Hormone problems can cause you to gain weight, and lose weight.

Face it, weather you like it or not, it is documented scientific fact that part of your behavior is influenced by chemicals that your body naturally produces. If these chemicals are at what is considered normal levels, then your chances of being a healthy, well-balanced individual are greatly increased.

Before I move on to the point, I want to be clear that just because you have normal hormones doesn't mean you're automatically going to be a good person. Nor do I wish to say that if you have abnormal hormones you're automatically going to do bad things.

Christians claim that God gave Humans free will, that they may love him or hate him of their own volition. Yet if you believe in "Creation", you must believe that God put chemicals in our brains that in the right conditions can strongly influence us to do things like suicide which would send us directly to Hell in the Christian context.

I know. I've had feelings like this before.

I am treated for my depression by science. The problems I had in the past have been corrected. Its scary to know that your body can influence you to do something terrible, especially as there is no reason to do so. I have a good life. There's no rational reason why I would want to end it. However, under the influence of the wrong balance of brain chemicals, all I can see is gloom, doom and despair.

Should I leave myself to solely to religion and claim that the Devil is putting these thoughts in my head? Should I pray unceasingly for God to help me with my struggles? Or should I go to a Doctor, be properly diagnosed and then treated with medicine that fixes the problem?

The real question here is this, if someone does harm to themselves or others while suffering a hormonal imbalance, does God damn them to Hell? I've had many Christians tell me that suicide is an unforgivable Sin, that anyone who commits suicide is going straight to Hell. Frankly, if that's the case, its another example of God being an immortal dick.

The Debate on Gay Marriage

I can't say it much better than he did, so I'm not even going to try.

F-R-E-E that spells FREE

Stupid Stupid Earworms. 

I like to listen to the radio, like most men in their middle age I often end up listening to sports-talk. Lately, I've been hit by a barrage of ads from the "Free Credit Report" people.

If by some major cosmic chance the person who made these ads happens to read this little blog of mine, I have some very specific instructions for you. Go outside. Find a brick, or a rock, or something very hard. Pick it up, and bash yourself in the head with it until you fall unconscious.

When this ad hits the radio I turn off the channel as fast as my fingers can hit the button. But I know, this is too late. The stupid jingle will be instantly stuck in my head by the first note. I suppose the people behind the ad regard this as success, but fortunately for me, I am too smart to fall for their pathetic ploy.  The real place to get a free credit report is "annualcreditreport.com"  ... but they don't advertise as much because instead of trying to sign you up for a whole bunch of crap you don't want and then spamming you into insanity, they just give you a credit report and then leave you alone. Thus, they have less ad revenue.

Just think about it, people who advertise non-stop that they are giving away something for free are hiding something somewhere. Sometimes I give away stuff for free. I set it outside my house with a "Please take my decrepit junk and mind the lawn." sign on it written in sharpie. I don't go on the radio with a song that will get stuck in your head and pay thousands of dollars to advertise the thing I'm giving away.

Back on point, I wish the commercials would stop. The only way for them to stop is for people to completely quit using their service, so their advertising dollars drain away. So tell all your friends to go to the real free credit report site at annualcreditreport.com and make the insanity end!!

How does this happen?

Thats worse than reversing the polarity of the neutron flow.

Destined to be screwed over by God

I love Douglas Adams. I'm rereading the HHGTTG and enjoying every minute, this morning I came across this passage toward the end of "Restaurant at the End of the Universe" and its so great, I have to share: 

"I always thought that about the Garden of Eden story," said Ford. 

"Eh?"

"Garden of Eden. Tree. Apple. That bit, remember?"

"Yes, of course I do."

 "Your God person puts an apple tree in the middle of a garden and says, do what you like guys, oh, but don't eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting 'Gotcha.' It wouldn't have made any difference if they hadn't eaten it."

"Why not?"

"Because if you're dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won't give up. They'll get you in the end."

"What are you talking about?"

"Never mind, eat the fruit."