God on Trial (Part II)

Perhaps I'm jumped too far ahead in my first argument, lets go back, way back, back to the beginning.

To be fair, creating the world in 6 days was a pretty nice thing for God to do, had he left it at that, we'd not be having this conversation. But no, he had to go and commit dick move numero uno. The Fall of Man. Or the Fall of People, if you don't want to be sexist.

So God created man in his own image (which kinda raises the question, is God's penis circumcised?) and God knew your heart before you were ever born. God gave Adam free will, then he gave him a woman. But he couldn't stop there, no... he had to play a little game with them. Look, call it what you want, but putting a 'tree of knowledge' in the middle of the garden of eden and then saying, "You guys can do anything at all in this paradise! You can fuck each others brains out! You can eat anything in here, even the trippy mushrooms! Its all good!"

"BUT Don't touch my forbidden fruit. No, don't touch it, the candy coated, delicious fruit that will blow your mind, right over here. Because if you did that, I'd be MAD. The most wonderful fruit I ever made, if I say so myself, but you can't have any. But you can have everything else! So go frolick!"

Right. Thats like me setting a 6 pack of beer in a room full of teenagers. If I did that, who would they put in jail? Thats right, ME, for being the asshole who -tempted- the innocent kids into doing something they shouldn't do.

So God made us. He made us curious. He made us willful. Then he puts us in that situation knowing damn well the first thing ... well ok the second thing after they figure out sex for a while is going to be 'experimenting' with that fruit. Believe me, there didn't need to be some weird snakey guy like Michaelangelo up there drew. They would have gone there all on their own. God knew this. He had to know this, he's omniscient.

So why did he put them in that situation to begin with? So he could be a DICK. So they eat the fruit and God gets all pissed. Super pissed. Throws them out of the garden. Throws ALL OF US out of the garden even the ones that had nothing to do with it. Makes them lead a life of hardship. All while laughing his ass off and eating his damn fruit. You know probably just to be even more of an asshole, God made the fruit taste like shit and give them both food poisoning to go along along with all that embarassed by being nude thing.

Clearly, the first event in a long, long, long line of dicking around with humanity.